Black Books Quotes, Which are your fave's??? Options

[feckless_dykey_p...]

okay, so Black Books is great! lets face it!

so, what are your favourite quotes from the likes of Bernard, Manny and Fran...??

my fave's are:

BERNARD: Don't you ever use party as a verb in my shop!
*******************
MANNY: Right now, I'm eating scrambled eggs, with a comb, from a shoe.
*******************
BERNARD: It's all rubbish! Nobody is prepared to admit that wine doesn't have a taste.
MANNY: Of course you can't taste anything, you smoke eighty bajillion cigarettes a day. What's that you're eating?
BERNARD: It's some sort of delicious biscuit.
MANNY: It's a coaster!

POST AWAY!!!

[maian]

Jehovah's Witness: Hello, we were wondering if we could talk to you about Jeeee-sus

Bernard: Gah! What time is o'clock
Manny: Half ten
B: Half Ten! Half ten! I've never been up at half ten. What happens? Have you ever bought a book...at half ten in the morning?
M: Well, no, now that you mention it.
B: That's right, that would be a world gone topsy turvy. People don't want books in the morning, it's too early.
M: Well if this were a bakery this would be quite late.
B: What!? I won't have any cheek. I'm sorry son. I've made a mistake. You don't have what it takes, to sell a book. People don't want them in the morning.
Customer (wearing a 'I Love Books' T-Shirt: Hello (B looks perplexed) I'd like to but a book please
B: What books?
C: I dunno I'm just really in the mood to by a book.
B: Get out we're closed!
C: Maybe I'll swing by the bakery.

M: It's a farmyard of colour
B: All the colours, all the colours, well yellow. It's like looking into the eye of a duck.
M: And sucking all the fluid from it's beak.

And a great outtake

B: This is my roof! And I like it!

[Punkass]

Bernard: Fran and I are going out for drinks. We've bought some absinthe, it's the drink that makes you want to kill yourself instantly.

Also keep an eye out for Kevin Eldon in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: He played The Cleaner in one episode, as well as one of the Agents in Spaced.

[Sean of the Dead]

Bernard: He's a horse in a man suit.


Bernard: Everyday is another betrayal.


Bernard: Go on, go to your 'fancy man'.

[Blind I/O]

The delivery of

"With a pickle"

Is nigh on perfect.

[Starscream`s Gho...]

Customer: Look, there's no other way to say this, but I didn't come in here to be insulted.

Bernard: Well, I didn't ask for the job of insulting you. In another life, we could have been brothers. Running a small, quirky taveria in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins instead of wasting each other's time here in this dump. But it was not to be. So hop it.

[butterfly_with_a...]

Bernard:BEANS!

Bernard: He's up there right now, out of his head on nip!

Bernard: Oh yeah!? What other man divides his eggy soldirs into rank?
Manny: It's just a bit of fun!
Bernard:Ah so you wont mind if I eat this one-
Manny: DONT TOUCH THE COLONEL....It'll upset the rest of the men!

Bernard: This paint will make a tasty dish! Yes! Yes! My oven can cook anything, my oven can cook...... BITS OF OVEN!

This post has been edited by butterfly_with_a_bomb?: Jul 18 2005, 05:20 PM

[Starscream`s Gho...]

Fran: (talking to Bernard about about him and Manny) You know, if the two of you could do something relaxing together, this place wouldn't be so tense.

Bernard: What? Every time we bicker we should have sex? Just have a drink and be yourself again, will you?

Fran: So what's it like then? The fags and booze.

Bernard: Well, to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...

Fran: Yep...

Bernard: You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...

Fran: Yep...

Bernard: ... "this is fantastic. I'm in heaven."

[feckless_dykey_p...]

also Dylan Moran's face when he is sleeping on the sofa with a cigarette in his mouth in episode 1.2, when he wakes up....CLASSIC!

[Ingram]

One of my favourites has always been...

Bernard: (on Manny) Look at him, look! Half Iago, half Fu Manchu... all bastard!

[Footbacon]

Manny Bernard, do you think I should shave my beard?
Bernard Yes. I think you should shave it off. Nail it to a frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

[Julie]

Something about a beard seeking missile.


I've just today gotten my roommates quite thoroughly hooked on the show

[Clart]

Which one of you bitches wants to dance?

Hey, you know when you’re doing your usual sort of threesome you do of a weekend, you know, and er, the moonlight’s bouncing off your heads and your arses and everything. Does that not get a bit confusing?

Right. Look, this is you, OK? *dances around* Tra-la-la la-la la-la la-la, la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la!

Millwall, that’s the one. Do you know this chant? Erm… Millwall, Millwall, you’re all really dreadful, and all your girlfriends are unfulfilled and alienated.

*thwack*

[Clart]

I like the idea of using this in a really quiet car showroom (but have never had the opportunity stroke guts.)


I've never had the opportunity to stroke guts, either, while I'm at it.


Anyway, the quote:

WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?! I’M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING HOUNDED BY SALESMEN IN SHOPS! I’M BROWSING, ALL RIGHT?! BROWSING! AT THE END OF IT I MIGHT BUY SOMETHING, I MIGHT NOT! BUT YOU WILL NOT INFLUENCE ME ONE IOTA! NOT ONE JOT! NOW, I’VE FINISHED WITH YOU, YOU MAY GO!

[maian]

Evan: Now, one of our valued younger customers has blocked up the toilet with Monser Munch. Now, as a team, how are we going to tackle this?
Manny: We could call a plumber
E: (Holding out a bucket and plunger, passes them to Manny): Go Team!

E: Gather round team. Today was a silver star day, tomorrow I want Gold. Selling books, is like a game. It has rules, and you better learn those rules quick cos it's not a game!

Simon Pegg-Great in everything he does.