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> Black Books Quotes, Which are your fave's???
Amazongirl
post Jul 24 2005, 09:23 PM
Post #31


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(outtake)

Manny- I ate all your bees!
Bernard-........You fucker!

Serefinowitz- Do you want me to come Fran!? Im comming Fran! Fran!
Fran-Sorry about that, I .....caught my foot in the fridge

Manny-Moo Ma!Moo PA!
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sleeping_pirate
post Jul 25 2005, 04:52 PM
Post #32


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I watch my Black Books dvds virtually every day, I love it so much biggrin.gif. Mmmm Dylan Moran *drool*

Bernard: You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.
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maian
post Jul 25 2005, 05:17 PM
Post #33


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Porn Seller: What can I do you for?
Bernard: I'd like to buy some hardcore pornography please
PS: What sort?
B:Have you got any set in a townhall, where the women guess the weight of the cakes and then...
PS: No, got one with nurses in.
B: What kind of nurse?
PS: The kind with big tits!
B: No I mean are they in administration or...?
PS: That's very specific.
B: Yeah well keep looking I'm sure you'll find something, could you turn the heating up?
PS: There you go. Administrative nurse, 29.99.
B: I meant Senior Administrative nurses, that's what I was really looking for
(PS moves hand revealing title to be 'Senior Administrative nurses)
Could we watch it together, get a bottle of wine...
PS: Get out!
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fatseff1234
post Jul 25 2005, 05:24 PM
Post #34


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Bernard- I had a girlfriend once. She died

awwwww poor Bernard sad.gif
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maian
post Jul 25 2005, 06:10 PM
Post #35


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Fran: You know the really sad thing is, she's not really dead
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widowspider
post Jul 25 2005, 06:44 PM
Post #36


OMNOMNOM
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Bernard: "I can feel parts of my brain, falling away like wet cake"
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PrincessKate
post Jul 25 2005, 06:46 PM
Post #37


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You know you're in for a good time when there's a polar bear - bleeding - on the label.
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maian
post Jul 25 2005, 06:47 PM
Post #38


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Fran: You know you're in for a good time, when there's a polar bear bleeding, on the label

Fran: It's really good this, just slap it on your hip, eats right through to your liver.
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feckless_dykey_p...
post Jul 27 2005, 09:54 PM
Post #39


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Bernard: (on Manny) "Have you seen his face? I bet his cornflakes CRAWL out of the bowl!"

textbook!
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Ingram
post Aug 8 2005, 04:23 PM
Post #40


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Manny: I want the weekend off. I want a life.
Bernard: This is life! We suffer and slave and expire. That's it!
Manny: We have needs! Fran wants to learn the piano, I want some time to myself, you want to go out with a girl...
Bernard: Don't make me laugh... bitterly. Fran will fail, you'll toil your life away, and I'll die alone, upside down on the floor of a pub toilet.

Bernard: [to Fran] You! What have you been telling Kate? She thinks I'm the renaissance. I have to go along with all this "reclusive genius" stuff... she's going to be very upset when she finds out I'm just a reclusive wanker.

Bernard: So, what did you tell them? They got in through the back?
Manny: Yeah.
Bernard: Yeah, it wouldn't do to let them know that we went out and you left the front door open, would it?
Manny: Yeah, well, what sort of world is it that you can't go away and leave the front door open without getting robbed?
Bernard: It's this sort of world, Gandalf!
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girlyrotten
post Aug 8 2005, 04:56 PM
Post #41





Guests






"Do you know what he was doing when you wern't here, and so couldn't have seen it? He was... Sucking his trousers... And laughing!"
"Now, that was a lie wasnt it?"

I can't quite remember what the other guys say, but I love what Manny says when is a "policeman".

"You have beautiful eyes"
"Hay, when all of this has blown over, lets go see Les Miserables."
"Hay you ever been to the zoo, its brilliant"
"Do you think it would be really naughty of me to phone up the Hong Kong Kitchen and order us all some crispy duck?"

"I'm just strolling along the beach with my discreatly pregnant Brazilian girlfriend. And all of a sudden a boat appears laden with papperitzi. And I say. Take a picture of me if you must. But leave her out of it. She didnt ask for any of this. She's just an ordinary lingeray (sp) model"

"How was your night out?"
"Oh you know, I went to see an experimental film where nothing happenend for two hours. Hung out with a pornographer. Got a job in a burger bar. You know... The usual!"

"If you're going to give a man pencils for drinking his wine. You had better make it magic pencils, you know. You draw a cow, the cow comes to life. Those kind of pencils."

"The plug fell in some tizer"
(and the whole bit where Manny pulls the face at his boss, and answers the phone like it)

"Hello. We'd like to talk to you about jeesus"

"You know you have molusks on your pipes?"
"What of it?"
"Well, its just that traditionally they live in the sea"

"Theres the elephant. Hes happy with is ballon.
Oh no its gone!
Is it behind the rino?
*both shake heads*
Look in the alligators mouth
It's not there either
ohhhhhhh the monkeys got it in the tree
He brings it back,
They all brink lemonade
The End"


And a couple of Bernards songs. Which sadly got cut.

"I'm a simple cow, living a simple life. But sometimes I feel exploi-ted. Ireland can never be free until. I can marry my brother.

"Cows in the morning, cows in the morning one, two, three. Up and atom, up and atom with a pick"

Thats just what I could think of now. I am a bit of a hardcore fan. I spent a lot of my last year in school just quoting Black Books. And have been fortunate enough to have seen both Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey live. Both were amazing.
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Amazongirl
post Aug 8 2005, 04:58 PM
Post #42


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Black Dolls-

Bernard-"DRUGS!?! GRAPES!?! BEARD!?!"
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Starscream`s Gho...
post Aug 8 2005, 05:59 PM
Post #43


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Fran: Do you know that in Tibet when they want something they give something away?

Bernard: Do they? That must be why they're such a dominant global power.

************

Fran: Do you know nothing about modern culture, Bernard? Beckham, Posh, Pokemon...

Bernard: Pacman. It's pronounced Pacman.

************

Bernard: I've never said it before because I'm too nice, but your son has the cold, dead eyes of a killer.
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maian
post Aug 8 2005, 08:26 PM
Post #44


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What were you thinking? What went through you minds that made you think ''Oh yeah, let's get a wicker toilet?'' *LOUD SCREAM offscreen*

Great ending to Bernard's tale of going round his friends house. Cracks me up everytime.
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Igmeister
post Aug 8 2005, 08:52 PM
Post #45


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Bernard: (wearing an accordion) Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this either, but I thought it would be less obvious. So if you could just kind of stand there and look wistful, and I...

Allison: No thanks, goodbye.

Bernard: Where are you going?

Allison: Somewhere else. I've had enough of this. The flat's small, then it's huge, then it's a closet full of flowers and truffles. I am not interested in you! Ok?

Bernard: But... but... (holds up a bunch of flowers)

Allison: Get lost!

Bernard: No no. You're my summer girlfriend. You don't get angry. You throw your head back and laugh as we bicycle around the Cotswolds in a taxi. You flick the cherry off the pie and only eat the cream because that's what Auntie Nibs used to do.

Allison: What?



Bernard has a very similar way with women to me........
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