*coughs*



Good call on Collins though, he's a fine DJ and likely to read out any email you send in... in my experience.

He once said he loved my dad based on a text I sent in.

Fischer has just uploaded our latest fun videos to the Fans of Gobstopper Facebook group.

I lick a palette knife covered in cake in one.

Schexy.

Fanks, and he did mention an email I sent in last night! He thanked me and said it was very nice.

Adam and Joe also read out an email I sent for their childhood misconceptions Text The Nation theme. Joe read it out. That man belongs to that rare breed who could read out the telephone directory and it would be stratospherically side splitting from A to Z!

What are your memories of school dinners? The best, the worst, the vicious dinner ladies and the fascist dinner nannies? Tell us all! Were you even (shock horror) one of the pale, whey-faced nancies (like me) who brought a packed lunch? If so, what was in it and what was on your lunchbox?

Scribble your memories on a spam fritter and send them to gobstopper@bbc.co.uk.

On Gobstopper on Wednesday 21st November we'll be largely pretending the England match isn't happening, and instead we'll be joined in the studio by a Scotsman - Graham Ramsay, boss of massive Teesside music and comedy promoters Ten Feet Tall. We'll also have live music from ace York-based swampy bluesy types Hijak Oscar, and the cast of Arc's production of The Wizard Of Oz are following the yellow brick road into the studio.

Gobstopper on 95FM, DAB and online at www.bbc.co.uk/tees from 7-10pm.

Do you know there are no school dinners in Lincolnshire? I never even saw a school dinner.

We didn't... And we read your mail out last week. We're nice like that.

Coming up on Gobstopper... (Wednesday 28th November)

Beer! We’re joined in the studio by our fun-loving Cleveland CAMRA correspondent, plugging the latest local real ale festivals and promising us a cheeky tipple! She’s DENISE POWELL.

Music! As Middlesbrough Town Hall plays host to a celebration of John Lennon’s life, we play host to a few live acoustic songs by “John” himself – singer RICH JORDAN.

Football! We rummage through all our local teams’ triumphs and disasters with the Evening Gazette’s voice of sport… ERIC PAYLOR.

And Kitchen Cleaning! Our “Little Legend” of the week is a man of many talents… he was a fish-headed alien in Return Of The Jedi, a puppeteer for Spitting Image, and – wait for it – he was Mr Muscle! Yep, THAT Mr Muscle from the advert, who loves the jobs you hate! We speak live to actor GERALD HOME.

And in tribute to Mr Muscle himself, our Topic Of The Week is household chores… what do you love, what do you hate, and have you ever had a nasty accident with a jar of swarfega and a brillo pad? What chore have you been putting off for years, and where but where is the dirtiest place in your house? E-mail your tales to gobstopper@bbc.co.uk.

All that and the usual cooler-than-school music, bizarre listener contributions and rambling nonsense.

Gobstopper with Bob Fischer and Shack… Mondays and Wednesdays from 7-10pm, on BBC Tees 95FM, DAB DIgital radio or online at bbc.co.uk/tees.

A rare treat on Gobstopper this week, we're joined live in the studio by arguably the country's bestest sweet shop lady, the lovely Lucy Scott Paul from Yorkshire' "Bah Humbugs" retro sweetie emporium. And she's bringing lovely lolly for us to suck on! And telling us about festive sweets and chocolate. So we just want you to tell us your favourite sweets and chocolate bars - from days gone by, or more recent times.

And feel free to give them Christmassy twist as well - what sweets and choccies did you only eat at Christmas? And is it just Fischer can wolf down a full box of Famous Names Liqueurs in under 30 seconds?

E-mail gobstopper@bbc.co.uk.

Also on the show - Shack in the studio, a nice chat with Miles "The Wonder Stuff" Hunt, some staggeringly cool music, and all the usual cobblers. Gobstopper, with Fischer and Shack, Wednesday 5th December, 7-10pm, BBC Tees, 95FM or online at www.bbc.co.uk/tees. Slurrrp!

'Bah Humbug' used to be a cocktail bar in nottingham, it's now a lap dance club.

Really? Shame. It was an ok bar, that.

Very sexy barmen, it is missed.

It's all go in Nottingham lady, there's an ice rink in Market Square now. Which is handy, because it's at least three minutes walk to the other one.

You can never have too many ice rinks.

(Good album title)

The barmen might be sexy still. You should go in. I wonder if they dispersed their sexyness in other bars (yes - I realise that sounds disgusting).

They were well sexy.

One of them once asked me to meet him in Snug when he finished work, but I didn't go.

What was I thinking!?

(snug is a club/bar not a euphemism)

I bet he wanted to show you his snug.

I could have made a much worse joke there about your snug but I wrote it down and realised it was probably too naughty.

Adam would have written it because he's got an ice heart.

Go on, you did yer fancy? Eh? Eh? Go on tell us... who?

No really, our topic of the week on Gobstopper this week is childhood and teenage crushes. So who did you really really really fancy when you were young? Famous or non-famous, we don't mind, and Fischer will happily admit to youthful longings for Sarah Greene (in her Blue Peter ra-ra skirt phase), Princess Leia (it's the hairbuns and the long white dress), Emily Lloyd in 'Wish You Were Here' ("Yew darty auld bagg-ah!"!) and Phillipa Forrester in her CBBC Broom Cupboard days.

Similar confessions of pounding hearts and night sweats please to...

gobstopper@bbc.co.uk

Cracking line-up of guests on Wednesday's show, we'll be joined live in the studio by BBC Five Live's footbally type Mark "Clem" Clemmitt, our Little Legend (speaking live! swoon!) is the mighty Nik Kershaw, and we've Teesside indie gods Dartz! and bizarre cabaret duo Carmen And Dick in the studio as well... the latter performing their sensational Christmas single "Little Baby Jesus", the former probably, erm, not.

Gobstopper on BBC Tees, 95FM, DAB or online at bbc.co.uk/tees, 7-10pm, Wednesday 12th December. Ooooooooooooooooooooooh Janet Ellis...

More Shackleradio tomorrow night Shack fans but I thought I would update you all with the two following bits of information about our show in general:

1. One of celebrity fans is the doctor off Radio 1 who deals with sex issues. I tried to find his name out but couldn't. He messaged Fischer and said we should be on national radio. Hark at us.

2. We've been asked to submit material for a Sony nomination by our bosses. The "best of" is getting edited together now ready to send off.

Just do a compilation of all the moments the two you of laugh uncontrollably - that always make a memorable show. Nothing funnier than listening to people losing it.

I'll get a copy of the best of and send you it.

Last week I lost it when Rob started talking about the plot of a Thunderbirds he'd seen. I was giddy.

I know, I listened on replay. Hilarious stuff.

I cried for about three minutes.

Eeyyy, fantastic! Well done Shackletronic and Bobby F.

Good work Shacktron!

Mark Hamilton?
He's on tv quite a lot.
And also, congrats.

Has anyone else been listening to the recent(ish) Gervais podcasts?

The plot of Karl's movie, starring Clive 'Warren' and Rebecca De Mornay actually made me cry.

Tee hee hee, "Clive Warren" *wipes tear*

Top notch. Go go Gobstopper.

Will the "best of" be posted here or perhaps on the Gobstopper page for our gaffawing amusement? I bloody hope so.

Here is the latest batch of Gobstopper album titles to tide you all over till we get the "Best Of" released:

I Made The Noise In My Head But It Came Out Of My Mouth
Teddy Picker Protege
Virtual Transvestitism
Digibob Radio
All Fondant, No Cake
You Can't Tongue People Via E-Mail
You Can Lick The Lining
I Don't Want To Sit In Yoghurt
She's Got Green Elbows
I Used To Dabble In Spam
You've Not Been The Same Since Accrington
The Nazi College
The Sago Situation
Norman Eggs And Geoffrey Cakes
Do Mirrors Wear Out?
I'm Practically Cream
Toilet Paper Crisis
I'll Lose Mine For Princess Leia
Skinny Acting
I'm Too Fat To Be Ant
Occasional Dogsbody
Olive (Wouldn't Go To Lazerquest)
Have A Look At My Manhole
Can We Move Onto Biscuits?
Loveheart Sugar
Marzipan Crackpipe
We Don't Rub Each Others Legs
How Many Badgers Can You Fit Into A Quality Street Tin?
Break Through The Fudge Barrier
Death Magnet For Goats
Don't Snap The Elastic
Showbiz Vicar
Spare Sausage
Devils Advocaat
Tiddlywinks Olympics
Choked By A Duvet
Cheesy Chocolate
Fudge In A Cup
A Tall Rent Man
Little Pimply Bells
Limited On The Weasel Front
Everyone Makes A Sex Face At Christmas
The Cuppateano's
The Moronic Interrogative
You Can't Put A Beard In A Hall Of Mirrors
Straw Poll Through The Back Door
The Full Bifta
Androgenous Snuggling
A Follicle Too Far
Swing My Swangers

Best.

Coming up on Gobstopper... (Wednesday 16th January)

Football! As Boro ask the fans to choose next season’s new shirt, we have an exclusive preview of the options. Waltzing into the studio with the new designs is Middlesbrough FC’s PR wizard DAVE ALLAN. And yes, we’ll try to wheedle the latest transfer gossip out of him!

Films! As Stockton’s Arc plays host to an exclusive preview of the tense UK thriller ‘Surveillance’, with the mighty Simon Callow in a starring role, we speak to the film’s executive producer – cinema bigwig CHRISTOPHER HIRD.

Music! We’ve a live acoustic session from brilliant singer-songwriter MARTIN HUGHES.

All that and the usual cooler-than-school music, bizarre listener contributions and rambling nonsense. Gobstopper with Bob Fischer and Shack… Mondays and Wednesdays from 7-10pm, on BBC Tees 95FM, on DAB digital radio and online at www.bbc.co.uk/tees.

HOT TOPIC! This week we want to know where you'd like your ashes scattered. Mmmmmm, happy times. E-mail: gobstopper@bbc.co.uk

Coming up on Gobstopper... (Wednesday 23rd January)

Music! We chat live to one of our indie heroes. The former star of two legendary Britpop bands - Cast and The La’s – he’s coming to Stockton with his new solo show. He’s JOHN POWER!

Comedy! We catch up with brilliant stand-up and star of Radio 4 MARK WATSON.

Football! As the January transfer window draws to a close, we’re joined in the studio by a Boro broadcasting legend – from the official Middlesbrough FC website, it’s GORDON COX.

And Bleepy Things! Our new computer gaming correspondent wanders into the studio to talk about all the biggest and best new releases… the founder of world-famous Middlesbrough computing shop CHIPS, it’s DON McCABE.

Plus, as it was my birthday yesterday, we’d like tales of your early boozing experiences – where did you buy your first pint, how much did it cost, and what did you sing into a traffic cone afterwards? Memories please to gobstopper@bbc.co.uk.

All that and the usual cooler-than-school music, bizarre listener contributions and rambling nonsense. Gobstopper with Bob Fischer and Shack… Mondays and Wednesdays from 7-10pm, on BBC Tees 95FM.

Yeah! I'm actually home today and can listen in!

I bet your mum could barely control herself.

It's the first in my new series (or continuation of the old series) of Tokyo Soundscape, my Japanese music show, tomorrow from 1-2pm. You can hear it through Open Air Radio, and if you're so inclined, why not become a friend of the show on MySpace, where I've put up a list of all artists played thus far, plus tracklistings for each show. Sugoi!

Coming up on Gobstopper... (Wednesday 30th January)

Football! With the January transfer window about to shut we look forward to a frantic final day, and back at some shock moves. Jonathan Woodgate has left the Boro, but will a sensational new big-money striker be coming in? We put all these questions to our main studio guest - former Boro midfielder turned BBC Tees pundit GARY GILL.

Kids Telly! We speak live to a brilliant writer, cartoonist and animator who learnt his trade here in Middlesbrough. He was the brains behind ‘Bob The Builder’, and his new show ‘Frankenstein’s Cat’ is about to start on BBC1 – with Joe Pasquale voicing the title role! He’s the lovely CURTIS JOBLING.

Music! We chat to a superb singer-songwriter whose new project is setting the work of Spanish poet Frederico Lorca to music – and he’s bringing the live show to Darlington. He’s the brilliant KEITH JAMES.

Plus we’re after tales of your most annoying workmates over the years – please send memories of slanging matches across the photocopier to gobstopper@bbc.co.uk.

All that and the usual cooler-than-school music, bizarre listener contributions and rambling nonsense. Gobstopper with Bob Fischer and Shack… Mondays and Wednesdays from 7-10pm, on BBC Tees 95FM, DAB Digital Radio and online at bbc.co.uk/tees.

Shacktrack fans will be sad to note I can't be arsed picking any more songs.

Coming up on Gobstopper... (Wednesday 6th February)

It’s our Animex special! To celebrate Boro’s international animation festival, we’re joined by two of the star turns… in the studio is Bob The Builder animator CURTIS JOBLING, and on the phone is legendary light entertainer FRANK SIDEBOTTOM!

We’ll also be joined by top stand-up JASON COOK as he prepares to bring his hugely acclaimed show to Darlington…

…and we get the beers in! As Stockton’s ‘Ale And Arty’ beer festival rolls into town, we sample a few cheeky halves with Cleveland CAMRA’s own DENISE POWELL.

Plus we want to know your favourite ever cartoon characters – who was the best, who was the maddest, and who (ahem) did you fancy? We bet it was the Cadbury’s Caramel Rabbit and Fred from Scooby Doo. E-mail gobstopper@bbc.co.uk.

All that and the usual cooler-than-school music, bizarre listener contributions and rambling nonsense. Gobstopper with Bob Fischer and Shack… Mondays and Wednesdays from 7-10pm, on BBC Tees 95FM, on DAB digital radio and online at bbc.co.uk/tees.

Two side things before I reveal the Gobstopper line-up...

Firstly I've been listening to some of the Ricky Gervais podcasts, the bonus ones from the back end of last year. These have caused me to laugh out loud on the way to work.

Secondly, there's been a lot of press about how DAB might be on the way out and people are losing money hand over fist. I do hope not. I love my DAB.

Coming up on Gobstopper... (Wednesday 13th February)

A brace of top comic turns! We’re joined by the multiple award-winning JOSIE LONG, as she brings her new show “Trying Is Good” to Darlington.

And also speaking to us live is a man whose moving show of childhood science fiction addiction once made Bob Fischer go all gooey. It’s called “Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf”, it’s on Teesside next week, and he’s TOBY HADOKE!

We’ve also got live music from brilliant Middlesbrough singer-songwriter BILL ANGUS.

And, to celebrate the fact that Bob has become increasingly obsessed with “On The Buses”, we’d like to know your favourite (and most annoying) TV catchphrases. Please send your suggestions to gobstopper@bbc.co.uk. I ‘ate you, Butler!

All that and the usual cooler-than-school music, bizarre listener contributions and rambling nonsense. Gobstopper with Bob Fischer and Shack… Mondays and Wednesdays from 7-10pm, on BBC Tees 95FM, on DAB digital radio and online at bbc.co.uk/tees.

Coming up on Gobstopper... (Wednesday 20th February)

We’re joined by a heavyweight political broadcaster and writer whose teenage years were spent playing in Teesside punk bands and watching the Boro…! He’s ROD LIDDLE.

We catch up with a Perrier Award-nominated stand-up about to bring his latest hugely-acclaimed show to Saltburn. He’s PAUL SINHA!

Our “Little Legend” this week is the undisputed sex symbol of British sitcom… we speak live to Allo Allo’s own VICKI MICHELLE!

Plus we’re joined live by the NME’s new favourite singer-songwriter, about to bring his live show to Middlesbrough – he’s KID HARPOON.

We’re also looking for your favourite local “characters” – who are the eccentrics, oddballs and outright nutters that populate your neighbourhood? E-mail gobstopper@bbc.co.uk and let us know!

All that and the usual cooler-than-school music, bizarre listener contributions and rambling nonsense. Gobstopper with Bob Fischer and Shack… Mondays and Wednesdays from 7-10pm, on BBC Tees 95FM, on DAB Digital Radio and online at bbc.co.uk/tees.

Mmmmm. Vacuum sex, tap dancing cat burglars and Hitler's cock.

Got a mail off Vicki Michelle this morning saying "she was still buzzing".

I think she fancies me and Bob.

All that effort to get her on and Bob did most of the talking - what a rogue. Were you too overcome Shack?

She did sound lovely and friendly. Her real voice is rather sexy.

I always feel funny talking to phone guests for some reason. Bob generally handles that. I join in more when we've got some people in the studio.

She did have a very sexy voice. Fischer was all red in the face by the end of it.

When she said "Hello darlings...." I nearly fainted.

Have you been bumped for footie tonight Shack?

Yes. We've been given the old heave-ho for one week only.

A nation mourns.

While you're off the air, please amend my contribution to the album titles list (Eggs & Bourbon) with one poached off Sefi - "Wednesday or Strangulation?" She gets full credit of course.

Mais oui.

Although nothing we would have said would have been funnier than the goal Middlesbrough scored tonight. Comedy. Of. Errors.

Actually, if anyone listens to "Total Rock" radio... I'll be in the studio on 14th March at 11:00...

My friend Tim emailed the Russell Brand show and said that he thought that I was gay because he thought it would be funny. If you want to hear it, its 47 minutes and 30 seconds in to the latest podcast.

Gobstopper will return on a Wednesday tomorrow after coverage of the match at Villa last week.

Not sure of guests at the moment, but we're after your experiences of house parties in the wake of the story in the newsies about a family getting their house trashed.

Been sick in a yukka plant?

Walked through a patio door?

We want to hear your tales....

gobstopper@bbc.co.uk

On the 26th, not only will my friend Helen be in the studio (panic stations), we'll also have Paul Daniels and David Wheater. I'm VERY excited.

a tribute slash biography of late comedian and poet Hovis Presley with contributions from various voices but more importantly clips of Presley himself littered throughout.

On regular Wednesday night Gobstopper tomorrow.....

1. Jamie Sample - local singer/songwriter
2. Brendan Burns - top comic turn
3. Paul Daniels - will he like it? Not a lot...
4. David Wheater - Boro's newest England (ish) centre back live in the studio.

I could shit myself I'm so excited.

I'm also taking my friend Helen. I think she might fall over and spill tea on the equipment.

And the sexiest thing to come out of Australia like... ever.
He got banned from live TV for snogging a goat.
He's probably sick of talking about that, though.