I heard there's a big room full of weapon's, broken bottles and sharp, pointy stick's and the last one standing wins the cover of Hello Magazine....

Oh no, that's was a lovely,fuzzy dream....
Or Battle Royale 3

Now that is a big brother worth watching!

if anyone is thinking about watching this celebrity big brother i have to warn you - the government has issued a warning that if you're stupid enough to watch reality tv you will have your eyes peeled like an onion

That'll be me, then. I look forward to the experience.

This one looks promising. We have:

John McCririck: Balding, breast-obsessed buffoon. (His dog is called Double D, and his wife Boobie.)
Germaine Greer: Legendary feminist, highly intelligent and learned, but occasionally deranged.
Caprice: Totty. Seems pleasant enough.
Bez: Bez!
Lisa I'Anson: Main claim to fame is narrating Ibiza Uncovered. Thinks she's all that.
Jeremy Edwards: Nice but Dim.
Kenzie: Child who talks like Ali G and is apparently a big hit with the young girls. Bless.
Brigitte Nielsen: She's a crazy Dane! And as tall as a giraffe!

I think this could be fun.

Mmmmmm...Germaine Greer in a Japanese schoolgirl uniform.

I hate them all!!

Im only watching it so I can see how annoying Brigitte Nielsen can get-and who will kill her first

Oh my fucksy, what has Caprice done to her face? I remember her looking a bit plasticky but now she's like some deformed wax work! I wonder how long it takes her to do that mask of make-up every morning...

Did anyone notice that article that Germaine Greer published a few years ago saying that Big Brother is mindless, degrading and 'about as dignified as looking through the keyhole in your child's bedroom door. To do it occasionally would be shameful; to get hooked on it is downright depraved.'

hmm...she must be proving a point....that point being that everyone really does have a price.

PS how much of an asshole is John McCririck?

The girl who broke out into Germaine Greer's house and tied her up used to to sit next to my sister in lectures

Joe Cornish says he fancies Kenzie.

I can almost see his point...

I know, BEZ!

If I was (praise be that I'm not) one of the other 'celebrities' I would just sit and marvel at him for the week or however long it is.

'Hi BEZ. I'm ...... . Tell me about the '90s.'

you think he's gonna remember?

he won't have a clue what he did the day before.... in fact thats probably why he's gonna win.

I think hes the biggest asshole in the history of tv!! I think Big Brother should anything and everything to get him so pissed off that he will actually explode

coincedent? I think not.....

Do you think he actually knows where he is??

This is the article. I think she makes some good points. 'Once in the Big Brother house the successful candidates career from one bruising confrontation to another, because politeness, that most useful lubricant of difficult interactions, is unknown to them; anyone who spares the feelings of someone else by concealing his own will be exposed as two-faced.'

So do we think Germaine is on it to show people how it should be done? At any rate, she seems to be doing pretty well so far.

I laughed my arse off last night when John McCririririririck was shouting about the terrors of confident women. Poor little Kenzie looked like he didn't know whether to pee in his pants or have a stiffy! He's probably never been within 3 feet of such loud, confident, adult women before. That boy's going to come out of there a man - whether he likes it or not.

We have just been having a very interesting discussion about the state of Caprice....whats happened to her face! Shes looking really haggard!

So, who do you all think will win....I reckon it will be Kenzie....he is a young bloke so he will get the teen vote, he seems game for most things and I cant see him rocking the BB boat....


What do you think?

Px

Well, his reaction to John McCririck's insults won't have done him any favours, though he was provoked. I think you're probably right about the teen vote, though the pretty-boy actor may get some of it.

a terminal case of 'applying your own make-up'

go germaine

I realised one of the reasons Caprice looks so weird is that she's really over-doing it on the old Touche Eclat (boys - this is an expensive, posh concealer that has light reflective particles in it) in an effort to disguise her under-eye shadows. So she's gone too far the other way and now has these massive white semi-circles under her eyes. Silly lady. And she's clearly had her lips done in a Leslie Ash stylee.

yeah i was thinking she has a bit of a daffy duck after watchin it the other day

i've always been allergic to reality tv shows, but i watched the first show of this one the other night and actually got quite interested, mainly because of germaine greer's insights into the other housemates. i thought she had made some very astute judgements of them, particularly john mcririck. jeremy edwards comes across as quite an intelligent and witty guy, and i was surprised that caprice actually seems quite sweet, even if she has mashed up her face. shame.

Wow, and we thought Caprice looked bad. Jackie Stallone looks like she's been mauled by dogs then put back together by Dr. Nick Riviera. In the dark. Using childrens' scissors. Heeeurrrghhh.

Run from the melty face woman, children! Run!

Germaine Greer has just walked out. She has spent long enough in there to get a good few articles out of it.

Except the one to do Big Brother, nes pas?

Sorry, I'm being a bit dense. What do you mean?

She wasn't able to 'stick' to her decision to do BB was she? But she was able to stick to her decision to leave it seems.

Aaahhh, I get you. I'm being remarkably stupid today in all aspects - I've just been walking round for the last hour with my flies undone. *makes spacker face*

In a way it's admirable - it doesn't look as if she's done what previous BB contestants have and make rash, drunken promises to leave but never do.

At least Jack Dee tried to escape in style, and that scottish guy climbed over the wall. Plenty of people have walked in the past haven't they? I dont know.

Case in point: Brigitte Nielsen last night, apparently. It sounds like quite an eventful evening. These people stayed up all night watching it!

I'm quite impressed with Jeremy - his reaction to being given the diet coke in the diary room and his retort to Queen Lisa last night "As I have neither your eyes to see through nor his ears to hear through I am not in a position to comment your majesty" (or something like that) had me and the boyf in stitches.

I'm glad Germaine's gone, and I feel very sorry for Brigette now Jackie has arrived - and since when I saw Brigette go into the house I wanted all manner of displeasure to fall on her that's quite a turnaround for me.

The other thing that made me laugh out loud the other day was when Brigette went to give Bez a little kiss for being sweet and he was about to go for a full on snog.

Sack Davina, please Channel 4.

Her 'interview' with Germaine last night was complete crap. She wasn't interested in hearing why or how Germaine had come to her decision to leave, she just kept trying to patronisingly 'explain' the Big Brother concept to her, under the mistaken impression that Greer didn't understand the show.

She understood, Davina, you shrunken imbecile. She understood it better than you have.

Davina's always been the type to go "yep yep yep" while blatantly not listening to whoever's talking. The cocky, ignorant moo.

If she ever talked to me I think it'd be nice to stare over her shoulder and dribble a bit.

Lisa bloody I'Anson last night:

"Caprice is my friend, Caprice is my friend"

"I love you too Mica Paris"

It's the equivalent of shouting out "LOOK EVERYBODY, I KNOW CELEBRITIES"

Silly old boot.

I didnt think I could hate someone so much as I did with John McCririck but that Lisa I'Anson pushed it - how can someone be so fucking annoying and full of herself!?