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Shack
So, Hollyoaks.......

After Saturday's meet, I watch it, Zoe watches it and Whixie watches it.

Here is our new place to discuss events - along with any other closet Hollyoaksers out there.

Allie is dead! Mackie is dead! I reckon Justin is going darn due to loopholes in the Chester judiciary system.
Jessopjessopjessop
Oh dear.
Shack
QUOTE (Jessopjessopjessop @ Aug 22 2005, 10:57 AM)
Oh dear.
*


Hooray!!!!
spacegurl
QUOTE (Shack @ Aug 22 2005, 11:56 AM)
Mackie is dead!
*


Who?!
Geez, i am so out of the loop..
Zoe
Noooo, Justin's just started to get quite fit - he's a master at the middle distance brooding stare! If I was Becca I'd bin Jake and his awful hair and go for the 17 year old skinhead, but maybe that says more about me than Hollyoaks.

I'm more than please we won't have to see any more of Mackie's rubbish racism or Robbie Williamsesque grins and Ali was as wet as a very wet thing.

Anyway



Knockers

I mean seriously, they're enormous!
Jessopjessopjessop
When did you say this was on?
Marty
Mackie was about as menacing as a bit of soggy tissue.

I cheered twice yesterday when those characters got the mortal boot.

Now if everyone else would die this week I'll be taping the omnibus next sunday.

Hollyoaks is pathetic. It's the most puerile pile of televisual pish imaginable. It's cringeworthy, badly acted, horrendous crap that deserves to burn in the depths of satans arse.

Why I still watch it is a mystery.

Nice jugs.
Zoe
Two news stories - one mentioning the cast cull I referred to on Saturday (I say cull, but as far as I'm aware no one will club Zara to death - unfortunately) and the other the frankly hysterical spin-off Hollyoaks: Let Loose which follows Lisa (man voice) Hunter and Ben (Han Solo of Hollyoaks) Davies attempts to make it in 'the big city' (it doesn't have anything to do with 90s boy band Let Loose - more to the pity).

Oh and



Knockers!
dandan
QUOTE (Zoe @ Aug 22 2005, 12:24 PM)
Knockers!




wow, sounds just like that 'brookside' spin off, with the two characters who's names i have now forgotten. or, 'tucker's luck'...
Zoe
Isn't Hollyoaks a Brookside spin-off?

That Matt that went out with Bifta...I mean Chloe he was a character transferred from Brookie and I think Ben's new (ridiculously irritating) work mate is a character originally in Brookside too.

...Oh and



Knockers!

That's the last time I promise! But honestly, look at them - enormous!
PrincessKate
QUOTE (Zoe @ Aug 22 2005, 12:31 PM)

That's the last time I promise! But honestly, look at them - enormous!
*


One of my friends met her in a club. She was more than a little worse for wear.

And why kill Allie? Although he didn't do much, I concede.

And I still miss Brian, the Lone Goth™
Igmeister
I watch, only on sundays thanks to my work interfering with my weekday soap schedule, but i'm looking forward to the double wedding next week, and am on tenterhooks to see what will happen to Justin when the police find the knife.....
Shack
Blimey charlie. You wouldn't fit many of Darlene's knockers in a weekend carry-case.

I'm pleased the cull is going ahead, but I wish they'd stop introducing characters to fill some kind of quota (e.g. the newly arrived travelling brothers with a mysterious past) and instead focus on a hardcore section of comedy relief, more shots of Mandy's weird knee and bring in a comedy old Jim Branning from Eastenders type.

I'm glad Zara is going. She's the only Morgan left and there's no point in her except for shouting at other people and generally being annoying. I think they should kill her off in some kind of swan attack.

*** HOLLYOAKS LINK ALERT ***
One of my friends is very good friends with the bloke who played murderous Toby ("burt Torbee, am yer waaaaafe" as that Ellie one said on a regular basis) and his real name is, fantastically, Henry Luxembourg.
Zoe
QUOTE (Shack @ Aug 22 2005, 12:50 PM)
I'm pleased the cull is going ahead, but I wish they'd stop introducing characters to fill some kind of quota (e.g. the newly arrived travelling brothers with a mysterious past)
*


I hate those brothers - the one who's sniffing around old moon face Nicole looks (and acts) like a date rapist, isn't she about 15?

QUOTE (Shack @ Aug 22 2005, 12:50 PM)
more shots of Mandy's weird knee and bring in a comedy old Jim Branning from Eastenders type.
*


and let's not forget Max's mouse ears - he looks like the kids in 'The Witches' halfway through the transformation.

Trying to find a picture of Mandy's knee, but all pictures of her end at thigh height...it's a conspiracy!
Stella MM
QUOTE (Shack @ Aug 22 2005, 12:50 PM)
*** HOLLYOAKS LINK ALERT ***
One of my friends is very good friends with the bloke who played murderous Toby ("burt Torbee, am yer waaaaafe" as that Ellie one said on a regular basis) and his real name is, fantastically, Henry Luxembourg.
*

It was more "Burt 'ees mer 'uzzbund".

Hollyoaks is such a fantastically frustrating programme. Almost every single plotline is extended way beyond its natural shelf-life through a combination of 'comedy' misunderstandings, extreme stupidity and people repetitively shouting at eachother.

I love it like a slag.
Shack
QUOTE (Zoe @ Aug 22 2005, 11:56 AM)
I hate those brothers - the one who's sniffing around old moon face Nicole looks (and acts) like a date rapist, isn't she about 15?
and let's not forget Max's mouse ears - he looks like the kids in 'The Witches' halfway through the transformation.

Trying to find a picture of Mandy's knee, but all pictures of her end at thigh height...it's a conspiracy!
*


No pictures of Mandy's knee exist. She has, apparently, made a keep-fit video, so she can't hide it on there, unless it's just exercises for the neck and arms.

I love Max's mouse ears. I don't love OB's receding hairline though. It's disappearing at a rate of knots and it's affecting his performance.
Zoe
Are Max and OB ever going to get it together? It seems inevitable - they already went out with twins, surely it's the next logical step.

Mackie's rubbish intimidation has sent Justin to sleep.



Nice polo shirt by the way, Hollyoaks has to be the most Top Shop sponsored programme on TV.
superfurryandy
QUOTE (dandan @ Aug 22 2005, 12:26 PM)
wow, sounds just like that 'brookside' spin off, with the two characters who's names i have now forgotten
*

Damon & Debbie - Damon died.
Marty
QUOTE (superfurryandy @ Aug 22 2005, 01:07 PM)
Damon & Debbie - Damon died.
*



I was just thinking about that yesterday. Not very interesting, sorry, but true.

Zara's going? Really?

YESSSSSSSS!! biggrin.gif

Can I kill her? Me. Can I?





Edit:

Gods, that Hollyoaks spinoff sounds dull. What a waste of fucking time and effort!

Rubbish.

Of course I'll watch it.
Shack
QUOTE (Zoe @ Aug 22 2005, 12:07 PM)
Nice polo shirt by the way, Hollyoaks has to be the most Top Shop sponsored programme on TV.
*


Tying two themes together, I have a Top Man shirt that was also seen being worn by Matt from Hollyoaks, who was previously a character in Brookside.
spacegurl
QUOTE (Zoe @ Aug 22 2005, 01:07 PM)
Nice polo shirt by the way, Hollyoaks has to be the most Top Shop sponsored programme on TV.
*


Looks like it's also sponsored by the National Gurning Association.
Igmeister
QUOTE (Shack @ Aug 22 2005, 12:18 PM)
Tying two themes together, I have a Top Man shirt that was also seen being worn by Matt from Hollyoaks, who was previously a character in Brookside.
*


Also didn't Tinheads mate in Brookside (Steve?) end up in Hollyoaks as Ben and Dan's mate only to vanish and never be seen again after about two weeks?
Raven
QUOTE (Jessopjessopjessop @ Aug 22 2005, 11:57 AM)
Oh dear.
*


Seconded.
Baz
Theirs nothing wrong with a bit of Hollyoaks. At least it isn't as dull as Eastenders is at the moment.
Zoe
Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly aware that it's terrible; but surely that's half the appeal.

The other half is Craig, Lee and Darlene('s knockers).
ronlogan1977
Utter shite but full enough of jailbait hotties to have watching when I shoud be studying. It always on just before dinner. I hadnt noticed Lisa Hunters man voice but now you mention it..I still would though , Chlamydia or not.
Marty
It was recently discovered (if you can call it that) that Chlamydia actually probably doesn't cause infertility after all.

So go have loads of sex.

But avoid her anyway........


She's a right moany old dog.
PrincessKate
Why exactly is Lisa so pissed off about Ben being Jake's best man?

1. She slept with him behind Becca's back, it was obviously a mistake and he doesn't want to do it again.
2. She's with Ben, who she "loves" rolleyes.gif


Have I missed a big chunk of the storyline which might clear this up?
Zoe
QUOTE (PrincessKate @ Aug 22 2005, 02:45 PM)
Why exactly is Lisa so pissed off about Ben being Jake's best man?
*


Because...

QUOTE (Marty @ Aug 22 2005, 02:42 PM)
She's a right moany old dog
*
Shack
I wouldn't mess with Lisa.

She's got big blokes hands and she can probably tear a Yellow pages in half without thinking about it.

I'd be far more tempted to mess about with Becca, have Lee as my bezzie mate and be the lovable prankster that always gets on Tony's tits.
ronlogan1977
My mate met the guy who plays Tony. He said he was a very nice but very shy bloke. Nothing beats my sisters meeting the guy who who plays Bombhead though. She was introduced to him but she was under the impression he was in Emmerdale. When he realised she hadnt the first fucking clue who was he looked really hurt.
Zoe
QUOTE (Shack @ Aug 22 2005, 02:51 PM)
I'd be far more tempted to mess about with Becca, have Lee as my bezzie mate and be the lovable prankster that always gets on Tony's tits.
*


Oooh good game, what kind of character would you be in 'Hollyoaks'?

I like your idea of messing with Becca - at least it'll get her and Jake apart and end this wedding storyline bollocks, though I am enjoying Frankie's desperate pushing of the sausage roll style reception.

I'd like to play a hedonistic party girl (in a Nicole Richie stylie) who swans into the village and spots little Craig Dean's potential. I would then proceed to sweep him off his feet in a Izzy/Jack Neighbours style, which would in turn make Darlene (and her knockers) bitterly jealous.

Me and Darlene would then have a drunken cat fight outside the Dog.
Marty
QUOTE (ron)
When he realised she hadnt the first fucking clue who was he looked really hurt.


Good!
Shack
QUOTE (Zoe @ Aug 22 2005, 01:59 PM)
Oooh good game, what kind of character would you be in 'Hollyoaks'?

I like your idea of messing with Becca - at least it'll get her and Jake apart and end this wedding storyline bollocks, though I am enjoying Frankie's desperate pushing of the sausage roll style reception.

I'd like to play a hedonistic party girl (in a Nicole Richie stylie) who swans into the village and spots little Craig Dean's potential. I would then proceed to sweep him off his feet in a Izzy/Jack Neighbours style, which would in turn make Darlene (and her knockers) bitterly jealous.

Me and Darlene would then have a drunken cat fight outside the Dog.
*


I think my character would probably arrive by hot-air balloon and would probably have a clause in his contract that he did his own stunt-work but never had any serious storylines. I would also make sure little Tom Cunningham became the comedy genius he so clearly is, possibly by dressing him up as other people from Hollyoaks and getting him to do impressions of them.

I would also eventually become the landlord of the Dog when Jack pops his clogs ensuring a more top quality pub atmosphere, including pictures of fjords and a portrait of the Queen on the wall, probably with a moustache drawn on.
super_horse
I would be a part of a new couple and move next door to the hunters and then introduce Les and what ever his wifes called to group sex. A simple yet captivating storyline
Jessopjessopjessop
I'd be a brooding young man with floppy hair and an overwhelming range of wifebeater vests. I'm first seen committing a petty crime and in danger of doing time in a young offenders institute, until a rich and impressively-eyebrowed attorny takes me under his mansion-sized wing to befriend his nerdy yet stylish son, and I fall in love with the stick-insect next door and punch out the local water-polo captain.



Hang on...
super_horse
QUOTE (Jessopjessopjessop @ Aug 22 2005, 03:44 PM)
an overwhelming range of wifebeater vests.
*


laugh.gif
Zoe
QUOTE (Jessopjessopjessop @ Aug 22 2005, 03:44 PM)
I'd be a brooding young man with floppy hair and an overwhelming range of wifebeater vests. I'm first seen committing a petty crime and in danger of doing time in a young offenders institute, until a rich and impressively-eyebrowed attorny takes me under his mansion-sized wing to befriend his nerdy yet stylish son, and I fall in love with the stick-insect next door and punch out the local water-polo captain.
*


Welcome to Hollyoaks...bitch.
ronlogan1977
Id settle for being Jake. Shags Lisa but apologises and gets back with Becca. Plus he gets to spend time outdoors.
whixie
QUOTE (PrincessKate @ Aug 22 2005, 12:41 PM)
And I still miss Brian, the Lone Goth™
*


I liked Brian too.


Blimey Zoe, you weren't kidding about Darlene's baps! Heeeeoooowge.

I caught the death episode on Sunday morning so I got to see Justin go: 'He's daaaayyyyyd!' when Ally kicked it. I love Hollyoaks. It's awful trash and the characters yell at each other all the time.

edit:

QUOTE (Shack @ Aug 22 2005, 12:50 PM)
Mandy's weird knee


Ooooh, I'd forgotten about that. I'll be glued to the screen next time she's on, trying to see it. It'll be like You've Been Framed all over again.
Zoe
QUOTE (whixie @ Aug 22 2005, 05:20 PM)
Blimey Zoe, you weren't kidding about Darlene's baps!  Heeeeoooowge.

*


I almost wish they'd never been pointed out to me - they're everso distracting.
PrincessKate
If I was in Hollyoaks I'd want to be the kid who was even less cool than Cameron, thus giving him self confidence. He would then repay me by boinking me. A simple tale, but beautifully told.

tongue.gif
Zoe
QUOTE (PrincessKate @ Aug 22 2005, 05:33 PM)
If I was in Hollyoaks I'd want to be the kid who was even less cool than Cameron, thus giving him self confidence. He would then repay me by boinking me. A simple tale, but beautifully told.

tongue.gif
*


If ever a boy needed a good boink it's Cameron, though he'd probably wear rubber gloves.
PrincessKate
QUOTE (Zoe @ Aug 22 2005, 05:34 PM)
If ever a boy needed a good boink it's Cameron, though he'd probably wear rubber gloves.
*


The poor thing, no wonder he's being dropped at some point this year. They never gave him the chance he deserved. He was far too good for Lisa, anyway.
whixie
QUOTE (Zoe @ Aug 22 2005, 05:34 PM)
If ever a boy needed a good boink it's Cameron, though he'd probably wear rubber gloves.
*


I'd boink Cameron. Not too sure about the rubber gloves though.
PrincessKate


And they never show him topless, why?
Igmeister
QUOTE (PrincessKate @ Aug 22 2005, 04:58 PM)
And they never show him topless, why?
*



Because they are only allowed to show the women in various states of undress, and Ben is the token girly eye candy. tongue.gif
fatseff1234
Hollyoaks is awesome. And I'd never noticed just how big Darlene's knockers were wub.gif wub.gif
pots
so why is the dad getting the blame from the girl with the knockers? he didn't stab the kid, or run into the road?

i stopped watching hollyoaks the day mr cunningham left. i miss his baldy beardy smiley little head.
PrincessKate
QUOTE (Igmeister @ Aug 22 2005, 06:18 PM)
Because they are only allowed to show the women in various states of undress, and Ben is the token girly eye candy.    tongue.gif
*


But he's unattractive in the extreme! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeuw. Give me Cameron and his slightly under-tined six-pack over smooth-chested Ken-alike Ben anyday.

QUOTE (pots @ Aug 22 2005, 07:10 PM)
so why is the dad getting the blame from the girl with the knockers? he didn't stab the kid, or run into the road?

i stopped watching hollyoaks the day mr cunningham left. i miss his baldy beardy smiley little head.
*


He was having it off with some random bint who isn't his wife whilst his son was in a ciritical condition a l'hopital.
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