By a dumping and a need to 'grow' respectively, Tim and Daisy find
themselves in urgent need of accommodation. Via a fluke meeting
in a café, their paths cross and the hunt becomes a tandem affair.
In a final, desperate attempt, they pretend to be in a long-term
relationship (and to have jobs) to win the right to rent a flat.
They succeed. And so the story starts…
It all starts on the streets. Looking up, all doe eyed, is the
peroxide spiked Tim, pleading with Sarah, his (now ex) girlfriend
not to end their relationship. He hurls himself upon her mercy,
appealing to her at the upstairs window that he isn't as unemotional
as she thinks and that even Terminator 2's ending had him crying
like a child. But it isn't that at all. She has fallen for someone
else, Duane Benzie, a friend of Tim's and Sarah's boss. And so,
with a slam of her bedroom window, it's all over. Not only has Tim
lost a girlfriend, he's lost his home.
looking down on a different pavement, with big blue eyes, Daisy
is explaining her way out of an indiscretion. The guy on the street
seems' ok with his pay off, but to Daisy it signals a new era in
her life. She's got to get out of this squat and back into the real
world where writing jobs roam free.
looking for some where to sit in the café and Tim's table
has some free seats. As she's sitting down, Tim asks her what she
looking for. After a little confusion with drug dealing, Daisy explains
that she's flat hunting. Funnily enough, so is Tim and so, they
continue to look through the classifieds in search of a place to
lay their metaphorical beanie.
At the height of their mutual low, Daisy spies an ad for what seems
like the perfect flat:
"Spacious two bedroom apartment, fully furnished, 90 quid a
Salvation! At last her problems are solved!
"Professional couples only," adds the notice.
Disaster! But Tim suggests that she pretends with a homeless male
friend, little realising he fits the bill all too well, and so,
the plan is born
have to learn everything about each other; their fears, their aspirations,
their lives, their underwear habits, EVERYTHING. Here we learn a
lot; Daisy's writing ambition and dossing reality, Tim's cartoonist
dream and comic shop assistant existence, Tim's love of Gillian
Anderson, Daisy's boyfriend who is studying in Hell
Hull, their family histories, scars and allergies.
We are also treated to glimpses of Tim and Daisy's Respective best
friends, Mike, who is a 'weapons expert' and Twist, who's 'in fashion'.
After this brief sojourn down memory lane, they slip into the roles
of Andie McDowell and Gerard Depardieu and create their own little
photo album, in the hope of illustrating their faux union of five
years, eight months and three days.
Armed with the knowledge and wad of Polaroid's, they're ready to
hit the door of number 23 Meteor Street.
door is answered by the forever - inebriated landlady, Marsha, trademark
fag in hand. After their introduction as 'a couple', the duo are
lead upstairs and into the kitschness of their future abode. Avoiding
the cupboard-based bob a job twins and iffy questions about bringing
new lives into such a world, Marsha sets down to interview the two
bags of nerves.
Convinced that they are both working and a couple, Marsha gives
them the keys and the real story begins
And so here comes the move, some two days later. Saying her drawn
out goodbyes to people who are, to be fair, in an advance state
of catatonia, Daisy has pulled together all her stuff and is taxi
- ferrying it down to her new home. Meanwhile Mike is helping Tim
pack his belongings into the back of his camouflage van. His goodbye
to Sarah is equally painful, with her baiting Tim to admit that
he still loves her. Her vanity appeased, the door is finally closed
and he travels to join Daisy at the flat.
they unpack, the couple get to know each other more and more. Investigating
a strange noise, Daisy comes face to face with Tim's other persona,
the big green monster suit. As it falls on her, her screams bring
Tim running into the room. She explains her nosy intrusion into
his belongings with recollections of Scooby Doo. As kids they were
always Freddie and Daphne. Just look at them now
in a reefer and tea-fuelled stupor, surrounded by their boxed up
lives, Tim and Daisy sit on their sofa and talk. Tim explains to
Daisy the idea behind his own comic creation, 'The Bear' as well
as his arch nemesis 'Doktor Mandrake'. In a moment of awe, Daisy
asks Tim to take out the rubbish and, handing him the key, tells
him he has to take it downstairs.
he comes to the door, Tim drops the key and, bin bags in hand, struggles
to pick it up. Suddenly, he feels a presence and looking through
an open door, calls to see who's there. Striding towards him through
the darkness, dressed only in a wicker Stetson and cowboy boots,
Brian introduces himself, as only he could.
his new discovery in tow, Tim returns to the flat to introduce Daisy.
After it's confirmed that Brian only rents downstairs in one sense
of the words, Tim and Daisy ask him to stay for a glass of wine.
An hour later, they're discussing what they 'do'. Brian, it emerges,
is an artist. He paints
but not watercolours.
the door upstairs slams and someone runs into the night. It is,
Brian informs us, Amber, Marsha's daughter. There's a knock on the
door. It's Marsha. Tim and Daisy obviously have asked what's the
matter, against Brian's better judgement, as she stays for ages.
Her husband left her for the dog it appears.
nap is then rudely interrupted by the phone. Shouting the name of
his recently separated significant other is somehow wallpapered
over, but now Daisy has problems of her own. The phone call is from
her Hull - based love monkey, Richard. She explains that she can't
really talk because of her guests but he still insists on their
ominous sounding Dukes of Hazzard - esque pet names. Somehow, this
too is not picked up on by Marsha, probably as she is a full three
sheets to the wind. Disaster averted until they inadvertently say
that they have been going out for five years, eight months and three
days. This is explained away with them having two anniversaries.
One for when they were physically intimate, the other for when they
first kissed. Unfortunately, theirs appear to occur in that order.
all is well as Marsha is, by now, way too drunk to even care and
leaves in a cloud of smoke. Brian, waiting for the sound of the
upstairs door closing, swiftly makes a break to his own sanctuary
and so, Tim and Daisy are alone again. Making their excuses, they
go to their rooms. But, as sleep descends on number twenty-three,
Tim sneaks back out to retrieve his well-worn Gillian Anderson grot