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Episode Guides: Series One: Unofficial: e3
18th October
What's New

Tim and Mike buy cheap speed and end up a little disturbed; Tim having recurring Resident Evil induced hallucinations, Mike ending up in Yorkshire. Daisy's career seems to be going nowhere until she gets an interview from Fem - Mag, Flaps. Meanwhile, Brian's Ex - boy - girl - friend, Vulva, has invited him to 'come' to view his latest artistic triumph. After the painful, drug fuelled interview, what better way to relax than an evening, with friends, at the theatre…?

Part One
We open in the flat, backlit in blue. The TV spews static into the living room as Tim dives across it, shotgun in hand, onto the beanbag. As he begins to the eerie but familiar surroundings, he hears a groan behind him. A member of the undead is looming. Despatched with the immortal words of the Duke, yet more come out of the woodwork. Until, in a reality jolt caused by Daisy's arrival in the room, he is back in the real world. He soon slips back…

The cause of this, we learn, is that he and Mike met some Scottish blokes who offloaded loads of cheap speed onto them. Tacky as it may be, they are doing pretty well, even though Tim's lines between Playstation and life are now virtually non-existent and he's suffering from narcolepsy and Mike thinks he is on a Vincent Black Shadow. On a plus note however, Tim did get a phone number from an attractive psychic called Cassandra, although, on further examination, it was his phone number.

Back on the plains of normality however, Daisy goes to the door to get the droppage of the day. In amongst the rejections is a letter from Flaps, the new woman's magazine. It's an invitation for her to attend an interview later that day and so, excited, she decides to go to the newsagents to get some research for the big event. Tim asks her to get him some porn but she tells him to get it from railway sidings like everyone else…

As she breezes out the door, Brian comes in to return the mop he'd borrowed earlier. He spies what Tim is doing, playing 'Resident Evil 2' or maybe it's 'It's a Knockout'…
While Brian's lurking, Tim remembers that a letter came for him. Brian reads the contents of the already opened envelope. All it says is 'come'.

Brian explains that this is an invitation from his ex collaborator, Vulva, a 'non gender specific' who was christened Ian. Tim has already formulated what these unions entailed, but artistically, speaking, he's way off, obviously. Unsure of what to do, to go or stay, Tim provides sage like advice. He should go… go now…

Meanwhile, Daisy is at the newsies, looking for inspiration between the covers of various quality publications including, amongst others, Huge Fat Cocks. On her return to the flat, she's beginning to get flustered and isn't sure what to wear. Tim, rather unhelpfully, suggests that she should dress something like a lesbian. Or Suzie Quattro. As Daisy's anxiety reaches its peak, he gives her a big toke on his spliff to calm her down. Unfortunately, paranoia grips her and she's more of a wreck than before.

Brian, still confused as to what to do about his invitation, tries to psyche himself up to go by a little mirrored role-play. However, it doesn't really help when he identifies himself as a big loser mid way in conversation with Damien 'Sheep in the Water' Hirst.

In the interview waiting room, Daisy divulges to one of the other applicants that she thinks that a squirrel is stalking her although her worries fall on deaf ears. Soon, she's called into the room and confronted with Yolanda, Tracy and Catherine, her interviewers. All she seems to pick up from the conversation is that the women of today want it 'Big', 'Hard and 'Now'. But, floundering on the drugs, Daisy's mind slides into 'The Magic Roundabout', and the interview falls to pieces. Worst of all, she finishes it with the dreaded full 'Girl Power' gambit, complete with victory sign. Could things get any worse…?

Part Two
Brian harks back to the split that made things so awkward between him and Vulva. It appears that Vulva dropped Brian to keep abreast of the times. In a fit of anger, Brian's mind is made up and he decides to go and lay the ghosts of the past to rest.

Daisy gets back from the interview to find Tim still playing on his console. He asks how she got on and she says 'well'. Tim pauses his game and asks that did 'well' mean 'shite'. She admits it does and becomes emotional at another lost opportunity. Tim reassures her, despite her Spice Girl antics, the phone might go any second with a job offer and, right on cue, it does…

However, it's Mike who has, in an amphetamine frenzy, managed to get to Sheffield. Unfortunately, he's passes out before Tim can get more out of him. Daisy asks why Tim and Mike are so close and Tim drifts off to his dream tree… The ringing of the phone stops his recollection in midstream though. He answers it again and it's the weirdo from downstairs. Soon, Brian is actually with them, in all his pretentious glory and possibly the worst waistcoat of all time.

Brian asks if he should lose it. Tim suggests he should burn it as lost property can always be found. Daisy asks Bri where he's going so dressed up and Tim explains that he's going to see his ex - boy - girl - friend's new play. Daisy wants to go, Tim doesn't and Brian'd rather face this situation alone. But, at the mention of the free booze, Tim and Daisy are most definitely tagging along.

After no trouble at the door, the group begin to mingle and make use of the free red wine and assorted nibbles. However, just as they're relaxing into the scene, a familiar voice cuts the ambience like a hot knife. Marsha. Brian, nervous enough already, makes a mad dash for the security of his seat and soon the performance is under way.

Standing in the shadows and then in burning supertrooper glory, Vulva stands all man and woman before the awaiting crowd. With a Nazi spiked helmet and an unmistakable use of greasepaint, Vulva provides an earth - shattering performance with his/her new sidekick, Hoover. Two hours later, the crowd disperses back into the bar for a post mortem (although that officially is at the Squid and Mashed Potato). Daisy tries to woo the terminally pissed off Hoover whilst Brian finally plucks up the courage to speak to Vulva. In his mind, it'd all gone so well; he'd proven that he was as worthy as anyone, artistically speaking. In reality however, he still can't cut it verbally, his nerves getting the better of his vocabulary in the heat of the moment.

However, as Vulva is set to kiss the still confused Brian goodbye, Tim's hallucinations reach a peak and he see's the green skinned tranny as another zombie and lays him/her out flat. He pulls the rescued Brian away and goes off to find Daisy, herself talking to another 'zombie'. As he flees with the two confused housemates in tow, he turns 'round to see Marsha sat surrounded by the living corpses. With a final scream, he leads them off into the night…

Back in the flat, with Tim passed out on the sofa, Brian confides to Daisy that he should've followed Tim's lead a long while ago and punched Vulva's lights out. The reformed Brian is, however, short - lived as Tim's unconscious reflexes scare the timidity back into the poor artist.

The morning after the night before and Tim is still stretched out on the sofa. Daisy has to explain what happened to him and Tim responds by saying that he shouldn't have eaten twiglets as they make him violent. As she sifts through her post, Daisy finds her response from Flaps. It's another rejection but, from the fire and all that, and, after a comment by Tim, she makes a step into the world of showbizness. And that isn't as easy as it looks…

Copyright © Nick Lee 1999-2002.
Spaced is © Channel 4 Television.