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Episode Guides: Series One: Unofficial: e5
18th October
Episode Guide

Colin is now firmly in the loving embrace of Daisy, but for how long? A shadowy freelance vivisectionist, James Eldridge, is on his tail and snatches him after an arts exchange in the flat. Distraught, Tim and Daisy search high and low before they are tipped off to his whereabouts in Terrapin Five. The gang is assembled and the little guy is freed from his captors under the cover of darkness. Eldridge escapes with his money, but how long can any rich man last on Hampstead Heath…?

Part One
Tim is complaining to Mike that his life is a bit of mess. Daisy is the happiest she's been in a long while, even hair looks good. But that's not the problem. The problem is the reason for Daisy's current fortune, little furry Colin. Tim's hatred of dogs seems to be unresolved and this is making his life an ordeal. Mike suggests sacrifices need to be made which pleases Tim, until he realises he didn't mean by killing the tiny fuzz - ball. In a final attempt to cheer him up, the bush wearing Mike suggests a game of hide and seek…

In the inner sanctum of Fantasy Bazaar, Tim's boss, Bilbo, is telling the story of Minty and Gramsci. Minty was a communist who had trained his monster Alsatian, Gramsci, to attack the rich. The whole thing worked until Minty one £100,000 on a scratchcard and Gramsci bit his knees off… It wasn't the tragedy it first appears because he just used his winnings to buy new joints and Gramsci… Gramsci supposedly found refuge on Hampstead Heath… Close to the meat…

Daisy arrives in the shop with Colin in tow. Bilbo is unimpressed by what he sees. Daisy says she's going shopping and tells Tim to tell Richard, if he calls, that she is out with Colin. Bilbo asks who Richard is and Daisy explains that he's her ex, describing their relationship together as 'like a sandwich toaster'. Confused by this analogy, Tim and Bilbo look to each other for explanation before Daisy leaves the shop to do some proper retail therapy. With Twist on hand, Daisy buys little gifts for Colin, little realising that a sinister figure is watching their every move…

During a 'bonding session' of Tim, Daisy and Colin, Tim is persuaded to give Colin a chance. Tim let's slip that he and Brian are having a cultural exchange that night in the flat, watching the star wars trilogy. Daisy asks if her and Colin can stay in too and be 'independent observers'. Tim reluctantly agrees and goes out to get some popcorn… and a muzzle…

As he is skating outside number 23, Tim knocks into the same evil and suspicious looking man. He
apologises and skates off not thinking any more about it. That night, Brian and the flatmates watch the whole trilogy. Tim explains that the fate of the galaxy hung on the actions of one minor character, the gunner of the star destroyer at the beginning of the first film. If he hadn't have let the pod escape, who knows what would've happened? Brian backs this up by suggesting that this is chaos theory at work. Just as he is explaining how this would all work, Tim has a flash of inspiration… He has some fucking Jaffa cakes in his coat pocket…

Colin needs to have a walk after all the celluloid excitement and Tim is roped into taking him out. While he is walking him in the park, the shadowy figure steals Colin and runs into the night. Tim panics and runs back to the flat, where the distraught Daisy punches him out…

Part Two
Tim and Daisy start the search for their lost number. They call Colin's name all through the park, ask members of the public if they've seen him, all to no avail. Daisy even sees another schnauzer but, on closer inspection, it's not Colin…

Back in the flat, A letter has arrived. It read:

To whom it may concern,

I'm writing to inform you of the whereabouts of your dog. Colin has been taken by a man named James Eldridge, he is a free lance vivisectionist. I cannot return your dog to you personally but can tell you that the lab site is located at 11 - 13 Kettle Road N1. Colin is being held in Terrapin Five. The lab has a skeleton security staff of one. I hope this information is of use to you.

Yours in search of justice,

A friend.

With it came Colin's collar. Tim asks Daisy to round up their friends. They have a dog to rescue.

At the meeting, the plans are examined. They are to break into the lad grounds and, whilst Mike and Brian 'handle' the guard, Daisy and Twist are to keep look out and Tim is gonna go in there and save Colin's furry ass. And they all have to wear black. ALL BLACK. Although charcoal grey pumps are ok…
Tim tells them all to come back at ten, although he says to Mike to get there for 2200 hours…

At that time, the team is lined up and ready for action. Twist wants to bring her makeup bag for luck, despite the apparent abundance of the stuff at animal testing labs. Tim suggests they use codenames to prevent their identities becoming known. Mike is Luke, Brian is Chewy, Daisy is Leia and Twist is… Jabba… the princess. Tim, of course, is Han. Now, they're ready for action…
In the back of Mike's Transit, Tim explains the finer points to the troops. If anything goes pear - shaped, they're to meet at the Beech Tree Inn on Stone Street…

So, once they're in, Mike and Brian make friends with the guard whilst Daisy and Twist guard the entrance that Tim has run through. When he finds Colin, Tim runs back and the gang try to make their escape but are foiled by the fence. The guard, who it turns out was responsible for the letter, undoes the gate for them. However, as his record will be permanently marked with aiding an illegal break in the gang feel they should help him… Suddenly, Twist has an idea… She uses the slap in her bag to make it look like they beat up the guard. They say their goodbyes and, as the guard phones the old bill, Colin and his rescuers disappear into the blackness…

The next day, Tim and Daisy read of the repercussions of their adventures. James Eldridge is wanted in relation to illegal testing and has disappeared, with all his money, on Hampstead Heath. We close with seeing the vivisectionist receiving his just desserts from the jaws of an angry Italian Marxist….

Copyright © Nick Lee 1999-2002.
Spaced is © Channel 4 Television.